im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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