Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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