I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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