I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
