hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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