I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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