I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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