so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I just had sex on a roof
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
