Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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