Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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