is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
FUCK WHALES
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
