Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
