Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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