you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
How does it feel to date your dad?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
