It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
