Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
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