she smelled like a LAN party
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
