Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
