After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
