Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize