I wish I could teleport
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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