They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
