my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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