I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
