Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
