I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Randomize
