hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Randomize
