idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
