As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
