You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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