I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
