There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I wish I only lived at night.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
