U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
She bit a glass in half.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
