i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
