I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Boobs speak an international language.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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