go do what you do best...puke behind churches
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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