I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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