I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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