The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
