Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize