god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Randomize
