Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Randomize