I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
