Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
