btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
