Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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