just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
