I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
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