you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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