She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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