do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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