i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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