shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
