im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
