awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
