i dont even know how to be here
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
