look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
