I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
