i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
