Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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