you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
and you fell through a lawn chair
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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