covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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