You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
