i just wanna soil my oats bro
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
