i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
