...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Ketchup is God's man juice
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
