i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
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