apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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