Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
