I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
should my penis look like a turkey
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
