theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
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