Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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