you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
My ass is underappreciated
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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