Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
