Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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