it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Randomize
