i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
