he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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