i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
i think my cat just said my name.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
