At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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