Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
