you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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