That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
