Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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