Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize