So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
