Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
