If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
