Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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