Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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