It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
she woke up with a sticky ear
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
