For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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