I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
