Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
So much rum. So many feels.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Randomize
