i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
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