I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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