i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
