More tranny stories later!
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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