I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
