i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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