My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
