remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
