Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
