I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
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