How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
