It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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