i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize