I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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