Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Randomize
