I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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