Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
