Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
