Girls should come with a carfax report
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
