If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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