was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I just want to make out with him forever
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
