Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
