I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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