He disabled his match.com account in front of me
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
