Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
