I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
