Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
