Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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