A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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