I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize